you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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