I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
