Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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