You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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