Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
