i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
