I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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