I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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