I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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