Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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