I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
