You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
