I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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