All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
