no, he came in my armpit
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
