My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
