I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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