ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
