You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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