we have pet lesbian snakes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
