Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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