How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
