Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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