Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
