I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
