Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
