1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
