if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize