Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
