I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
