So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
