Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
