Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
