Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize