Plan B is the new Plan A
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
