"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
