I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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