my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize