remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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