Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
