He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
