ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As shirtless as possible
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize