Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
