My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
