just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
