You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
