I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
