I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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