goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
