remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
