If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
