I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize