new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
