im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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