You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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