Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
