if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
