y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
