so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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