im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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