You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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