THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
