I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am naked and annoyed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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