.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
