Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
