"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
