i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
