my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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