My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
