Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
