1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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