What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
