you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
