Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
