it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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