It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
