I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
